there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
