omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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