i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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