16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
