I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
