yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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