these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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