we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
