Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
