So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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