I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
