wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
