Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
