I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
