i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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