just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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