Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
