so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
