She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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