i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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