my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
