she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize