i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
