Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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