i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
