At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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