Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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