Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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