I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
