you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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