I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
