woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
