dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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