If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
