You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
