That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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