How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
