Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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