she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
