Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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