you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
