So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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