Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We have started to decorate penises.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize