Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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