Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
