Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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