gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize