The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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