By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
