I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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