Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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