Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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