now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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