wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
two words: eviction party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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