Screwed.edu
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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