She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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