I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I CAN MOONWALK!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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