i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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