i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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