Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
