If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
