My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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