i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
