My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
