Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
