Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
