Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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