She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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