people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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