Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
