my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
