Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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