Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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