My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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