dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
