And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
