Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
