Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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