dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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