Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
