and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
