i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
