i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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