You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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