how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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