I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
