Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
