Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
