Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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