I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You were trust falling into bushes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
