sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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