just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
