If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
