The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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